Lieutenant Joe Negro - Letter to a Dear Friend

My Supremest Kim,

I am so distraught, you will not believe.

Lt. Joe Negro letting the flowers in his garden admire him.

Lt. Joe Negro’s dearest friend at the Moonscape Disco, Secret Location.

This morning, sat at my desk, minding my business peacefully, I perceived a fly buzzing crazily behind the blinds. It immediately drove me insane. I stormed the window for a reconnaissance and a mind to smash the thing, where instead I was met by a fair-sized bee zipping up and down against the glass. I didn’t stop to think. I flew to the kitchen. Armed myself with two Big Value Pack, Fast-acting Rambo Insecticide Sprays. Jetted back to the window and let loose on the bee. I mean, you should have seen me. I was a mad man, spraying and spraying straight in the face, and this crazy bee just kept going, buzzing erratically. The bloody thing wasn’t going to give up. In my rage, I lifted a pillow and whacked the beast. It fell to the floor and I watched it squirm and wriggle in poor circles, frantically fluttering its wings for a last bit of hope. Then it hit me. I looked up. What have I done? It’s a bee. A fly okay, but a bee? It would not have bitten me. All it wanted was out. Why had I simply not opened the window? I looked down. The crazy fucker was still bobbing about, so I leaned into my best squat position, and drove my heel into its abdomen to end the misery. It was so evil. All day I have been mortified by my behaviour.

Anyhow, apologies for dropping this on you, but I feel much better already. Only you get this.

Your Devoted Friend, 

Lt. Joe Negro

p.s.

Am in Switzerland next weekend. My trunk’s tight this minute, got any spare change kicking about? Going to hit our old stomping grounds and boogie. Remember them? Good times….